Pulanglah sebelum ku run away, Aku menunggu kamu everyday, Aku menunggu kamu monday, tuesday, wednesday , thursday...
(Suddenly this song stroke my mind.. Haha, what a crap! Actually I'm really waiting for someone to say something crucial related to my life but misfortune is always on my side. So no chance la.. Aduii nye punn..)
Since the topic states the First Love, I'm forced to write about it.. If I disobeyed, I can't even close my eyes tonight because it's my heart's necessity. Huhu. Heart's pleas are such invincible to be denied kann.. heh.. ?? :p "no one can sleep with a crumpled heart". Sixteen years old, I was too young when I was trapped in love cage. I was immature and still blurred what porn it is? Such a naive and mucousy boy rite? haha.. Hurm.. My views and my actions were just blocked and followed by desires. And so, I was in love with a girl.
At first, I just wanted to be her friend and never expected that I would loved her. At that time, I was a sexist and banned those couples' things.. ( bapak bajet kan? haha ) But something was going wrong. When I was with her there were some kinds of feelings that made myself relief.. calm.. and secure.. though we just talked through the phone.. Our friendship just not ended in a year.. but almost for four years neither seeing each other nor having a date. Nothing seems weird laa kan.. Normal laa kaan.. haha. But, from inside I can feel a cute love started to build from a size of sunflower seed to small pot of tree grew to produce a lovely and healthy bouquet of flowers. Unfortunately, I never claimed I loved her, just hoping that she would knew from my reactions and everything I did to her. Heyyypp.. don't be so filthy yea.. I wasn't "do anything" to her laa.. XD --It was about the things I did to show that I loved her--
Since a tough and majestic "World Trade Center" collapsed in one strike of attack, same goes to amateurs' love. We were affected by an unsettled conflict then grew into some other conflicts.. form some conflicts into problems.. which induced tension, angry and gap between us. We were too young to understand each other, and were in learning process.. Though her love had conquered a half of my heart, my heart was round to let her go as to choose her own path, to calm down both sides and to focus on my studies. I tried to build it once again but because of detested heart and uncontrolled emotion ( I'm too young to understand love). I had quit! But my heart kept missing and loving her, without her my life encapsulated by emptiness.
So, I took a move to stop those feelings and to recover the emptiness I had.. I had tried to love someone else, but... I failed! because the memories between us were too powerful to bare. Moreover, my heart never stop to love her till I'm now 21 years old on the last 16th April. Today I'm not begging for her love but just a chance to express unreveal version of my heart, to hear her voice, to persuade her to unblock me from her facebook and a chance to meet her for once. If all can't be done, I beg her for a recording of "Menghitung Hari Song" piano version played by herself. That's the last wish I have.
"Even now, whenever I heard Menghitung Hari Song I can't even realize that I was crying till the last bit of the song, because I can't bare the memory when she played piano (menghitung hari song) through the phone and it's still fresh in my mind"
I hope the one who will be her next boyfriend will never let her up in smoke because she is too much special.
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